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Updated: Oct 4, 2023

There’s an internal countdown that begins for the anticipated quiet after my kids are in bed. I start to become aware of the tick to this countdown around 5:00, sometimes sooner – much sooner. Too often, however, that quiet turns into an undesirable reflection on the day because it doesn’t look like I had intended it to when I rose that morning.

This year we transitioned back into home schooling. Three school-age children, a two-year-old boy, and a mother with a plan. My plan was clear, literally – a schedule with time slots, labels, and expectations - printed, laminated, and hung for all to see. Two months in, and my intricate schedule has yet to serve me well.

Regret often tries to climb into bed with me during this reflection time. I don’t regret my unfollowed schedule or the time I wasted editing my final draft before I proudly hung it up. I regret not being intentional in the midst of the frustrations... “Why didn’t you take any science notes?”, “Did you set your timer for screen time?”, “Don’t forget to bring your capital letter up to the top line.”, “You forgot to put a garbage bag back in the trash bin.”, “Please stop teasing.”, “Please stop teasing.”, “PLEASE. STOP. TEASING!”

Can I trade regret for hope? Yes, I believe I can.

I hope that tomorrow when I’m caught up in my correcting, directing, and yelling, that I will pause, grab my son’s face, lock into his baby blues and tell him how much I love him. Tell him I love the way he makes us all laugh, that I appreciate him getting his baby brother breakfast that morning and for taking out the garbage. Then give him a hug and confirm in his heart that I am grateful to be his mom.

And when my daughter has asked me the 110th question of the morning, instead of giving her another half mumbled answer while I run to save her baby brother from the spinning Kitchen Aid, that I’ll be able to be still, look her in the eye and give her an intentional answer. And somehow still save the baby – I don’t have it all figured out yet.

But this I know, the Lord has never failed me. I don’t need redoes; and regret is not on my side. God’s grace is enough. He is my Hope.

Be still inside. Even as the crazy runs laps around you, hear the Lord say, “I am proud of you.” You are doing so well.” “We will do this together.” “Enjoy the moments today.”

I took a picture of one of my moments today. I love how my little always puts his hands behind his head as he goes to sleep. I don’t know how much longer he’ll continue that, so I snapped a picture!

I watched him fall asleep today as I rubbed his chest. Realistically, I can’t do that every day. But I did today.

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